Three Monkeys Online

A Curious, Alternative Magazine

Attenti ai Gufi – Football, religion and the dark ages.

Gufo – an Owl. Gufare – to hoot.

On Saturday evening Italy’s Serie A drew to a close. The final match of the season, a playoff to decide relegation, took place in Bologna. Being but fair-weather fans, we opted to watch Bologna vs Parma from the comfort of a nearby bar (the beautiful evening and impressive setting of Bologna’s Renato Dall’Ara Stadium taken together relegate us from the ‘fair weather’ category, into an even less loyal category).

It’s a tense time. Bologna had at various times during the season appeared to be safely out of the relegation zone, but due to a number of defeats, and a cruel combination of goals scored elsewhere, found themselves in the playoffs. There’s the panicky scent of chance in the air.

As Parma shoot their first goal into the Bolognese net, a sickening feeling takes hold of my stomach. What if I, we, or someone else in the bar is a gufo? A gufo is someone who brings bad luck, and if identified is liable to be hunted out of the bar with extreme prejudice.

The identification is analytical. If you have never been to a game, and at your first appearance the team loses, well… If each time you go to the bathroom something dreadful happens on the pitch – then you’ll have a duty to hold your bladder until the final whistle. And so on, and so on.

As the second and decisive goal slides in, sending Bologna into Serie B for the next year, my rational side takes over. Such superstitions are ridiculous, I console myself, and besides I reason, defensively, they’ve been losing all season with and without my supernatural support.

In the aftermath of the recent referendum defeat, scientist and researcher Umberto Veronesi commented “I believe that we’ve had the confirmation that we live in a period of scientific obscurity. The Church has its role in this attitude, but it’s not alone. You just have to think of the success of psychics, alternative medicine, of horoscopes and fortune tellers.”

This monkey tends to agree with Veronesi – but can’t help but wonder whether he crosses his fingers too when his team’s striker is in front of goal…