Three Monkeys Online

A Curious, Alternative Magazine


Some random absurdities, all from just one issue of Gazeta Wyborcza.

The Belarussian KGB has branded the Lukaszenko opposition terrorists. The newspaper is up in arms. Only GW Bush (if you’re not with us you’re against us) is allowed brand the opposition “terrorist”.

Marek Zuber, adviser to Polish Prime Minister Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, has admitted in the Financial Times that he does not understand what Marcinkiewicz’s party is doing.

In the run-up to a day of anti-war protests, Viceminister for Education Jarosław Zielinski wrote a letter to school superintendants warning them to be on their guard against ecologists and pacifists, who might have a bad influence on school children. Green and anti-war organisations might be being manipulated by sinister forces. What sinsister forces – alas – he cannot say, as it is confidential. “Please treat me and my letter seriously”, he adds pathetically. This interference tactic is well-known in internet circles, where it is widely believed that the helpful anonymous poster who says that certain elements have hi-jacked the forthcoming anti-racism/anti-war/anti-bin tax demonstration is usually a policeman trying to scare off popular support.

Here’s an interesting one: no less than 7 state organs are permitted to tap telephones in Poland. An eighth one is in the pipeline.

Incredibly, a white-collar criminal has been sentenced to fourteen years in jail. Among his victims was a Brazilian footballer called Romario. It is not known if the judge was a soccer fan.

A television station has been fined by the National Commission for Being a Good Little Boy because a guest on a programme imitated the voice of a young woman who broadcasts on a radio station. The young woman, you see, is physically handicapped. Also – and entirely unconnected to the matter – she broadcasts on the ultra-conservative, Catholic and pro-government Radio Maryja.

Moving on, there is a full-page ad (one of many in your eco-friendly GW) for a car. At the top of the page the price is proudly trumpeted: “from 17,345 zloties”. There is an asterix beside the price. Probably the ex-works price, you think, before checking the small print at the bottom of the page to be sure. Alas, no. The small print reads: “the figure given is 50% of the promotional price…” I am not making this up.

On the bottom of page 13 is a short paragraph describing what is claimed to be the largest American air operation since the start of the “armed intervention” (or “invasion”) in Iraq. Lest the prominence given to this event lead you astray let me remind you: Poland is one of the occupying powers in Iraq.

More advertising: a joke that got old fast. An airline is selling flights from Krakow to Oslo for from 145 zloties (one-way, excluding taxes and fees). I went to their website and checked prices. You will have to wait until mid-July before you can avail of the 145 zloty fare and the final price is 185 zloties.

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