According to F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”If we keep Fitzgerald’s definition in mind, the comment from a judge (another one?) at the interminable Mahon tribunal that Bertie Ahern’s explanations about his finances given at different times amounted to “polar opposites” is less a criticism than a testament to our Taoiseach’s innate brilliance. His explanations about his activities in the 1990s have transcended mere evasiveness and have entered the realm of quantum uncertainty, a place in which money simultaneously existed and did not exist, was perhaps denominated in several currencies at once, and popped up in suitcases, safes, and bank accounts with the randomness of quarks. However, whereas particle accelerators have at least a fighting chance of unravelling the origins of the universe, there is little hope that the Mahon tribunal (about the same price as a particle accelerator) will ever plumb the cosmic mysteries of Bertie’s money.