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The view from Gdańsk of the Lisbon aftermath is not too different from that in Bologna and, at a guess, everywhere else in Europe. My fellow monkey reports that the President of Italy said: “you can’t think that the decision of little more than half of the electorate of a country that represents less than 1% of the population of the Union can halt the indispensable and at this stage impossible to delay, process of reform.” The same contempt for democracy is in evidence in Poland, though it does not reach quite so far up the political food chain as the president. I’m afraid, however, that I don’t have my fellow monkey’s dogged determination to chase down the quotes and reference them all here. Well, okay, here’s one: Jacek Saryusz-Wolski (chairman of the European Parliament foreign affairs committee and a PO party politician) blandly said that Ireland would have to vote again. The journalist raised the objection that the taoiseach had ruled out a repeat of the referendum beforehand, to which JS-W replied with a devastating use of logic that that was then and this is now: “Now we have a new situation and new solutions are required” (“Teraz mamy nową sytuację i potrzebne są nowe rozwiązania”)

The press reports the views of what in Poland are called without any irony, shame or embarassment the “elites” so it is inevitable that there will be much Sarkozy and JS-W and little of the 53.4% Irish against. It hardly needs to be said that any and every EU country had the right to sink the Lisbon treaty by not ratifying it.

The reaction in the press has been one of dismay and concern at the “crisis,” the “paralysis” etc. etc. that now faces Europe. Notwithstanding the paralytic crisis, the trains are still running here and people are still turning up at work. I have seen no panic buying. In fact, outside the august corridors of power, the reaction in Poland has been muted. The main story on all the TV stations after the deed was done concerned - as in Italy - a dubious decision by a referee, this time in a Poland match. The following morning on the radio I heard a debate which was carried on in rational, non-panicky tones and in which I distinctly heard one person say that forcing Ireland to vote again would not exactly be the height of democracy. The main story gripping Poland now is - in a return to the good ol’ witch huntin’ days of the bizarre Kaczyński government - whether Lech Wałęsa was a communist spy codenamed “Bolek.” This story has come up before and been disproved to the satisfaction of the courts but two clever young historians claim that yes, Wałęsa was a spy, it’s just that the files which would prove their case were destroyed. If Wałęsa was a communist spy (and he wasn’t) he was (although he wasn’t) an incredibly, spectacularly, world-historically bad one.

The Lisbon Constitution was accepted by Poland’s parliament. This comes under the heading of absurd because of the storm in the teacup that preceded it: I’m hazy on the details but half-former primesident Kaczyński was for it when he was not former and agin it when he was. If you follow. It was good when PiS was in power (a triumph of diplomacy back then) but bad when PO was. (Gazeta Wyborcza (April 2) was rapturous about the Sejm’s acceptance. Ignoring their normally scrupulous separation of news and comment and their icy disdain for taking sides, the lead story began: “The three week conflict over the bill to ratify the Lisbon treaty [sic] ended happily yesterday.” Happily for whom?)

The Catholic University of Lublin of John Paul the Second [sic] is in hot water for handing out doctoral degrees when not entitled to do so. It’s a vexed and complex question of staffing and seniority but it can, fortunately, be summed up in one sentence: the boffins can’t count. The university did not have the required number of suitably qualified staff to award doctoral degrees in pedagogy and economics in the years 2005 – 2007. This could be bad news for deputy Joanna Mucha: she was awarded her PhD in economics in October 2007.

Andrzej Matejuk, the new police chief, announced plans to create a special unit to deal with football hooligans. His predecessor set one up six months ago.

Ad on the side of car the regularly parked blocking the fire access road to my block of flats: “Are you looking for Compensation and Damages? Call ….”

Jacek Kurski.

The television stations that still keep inviting Jacek Kurski on to their shows. Here’s what Kurski had to say for himself in April 4th’s Gazeta Wyborcza:

“I, Jacek Kurski, apologise to Donald Tusk … for making false allegations … that PZU, using taxpayers’ money, financed billboards of Donald Tusk with the caption ‘a man with principles’ …”

Kurski is a liar, in short. Not just in the way all politicians vaguely lie about what they will do if elected but a documented slanderer of a named individual.

Speaking of liars, today’s paper has an ad for a car which is rotten with lies. The ad announces a seven year guarantee. Check the small print and it turns out to be a five year guarantee (only the power transmission is guaranteed for seven years). The advertised price is 23,450 zloties. Again: out with the magnifying glass and you discover that this is only half the price of the car. There’s a financing deal on offer and, as required by law, the real annual percentage rate is dutifully given in the small print: 0% to 11.46%. Some help. Better still, the calculations used in arriving at the figures are based on a car which is not featured in the ad! It’s nearly as bad as the toothpaste that promises “3D” whiteness.

I say: here’s fun! In the Catholic University of Lublin of John Paul the Second on April 9th there’s a trade fair: “targi zakonne.” That’s right: fair’s fair and the trade is holy orders. Among the attractions of the day are a discussion entitled “Holy orders: Avant Garde or Antiquariat.” But it’s not all serious discussions about monks and nuns. Also on the cards is a “Pokaz ‘mody’ zakonnej” (Holy orders ‘fashion’ show).

Jacek Żakowski is what passes for a left winger here in Poland. In fact he’s regarded as practically a Bolshevik, while the organ he writes for, Polityka, despite abundant evidence to the contrary, is considered almost socialist. Despite his undeniably communistic credentials the final few sentences of a recent article about the politics of doing nothing in the aforementioned pinko rag are worth quoting in full:

But somehow it has come about that in a country which – it is ever clearer – is involved in a civilisational leap, everything public has for years been consistently pushed into deeper chaos. The point of this is obvious. When TVP [public television] broadcasts only dancing on ice and the speeches of chairman Kaczyński, when the quality of public education has fallen well below private education, and when a visit to a specialist in a public health clinic means a three year wait everyone will finally agree with the ideological thesis that all public services should be privatized

In yesterday’s entry I forgot to mention the huff that president Kaczyński disappeared into after Tusk’s victory. Apparently, before the wheels of government could be set again in motion, Tusk – like it or not, the people’s choice – had to apologise to the president for all the nasty things he said. Like for instance, referring to “the Kaczyński brothers.” But they are brothers… Yesterday was the first day of the new parliament and it too was marked by PiS’s petty spitefulness. Ziobro suggested that the proposed marshal of the Sejm had “questions to answer.” What those questions were, alas, we do not know, since no one in his party had the guts to ask them. The important thing was to smear the new guy and get a whispering campaign going good and early against him.

But all of that is behind us now as golden age of PO-PSL politics, flawless and incorrupt, with the interests only of the nation at heart, opens up before us. Since the subject of politics is therefore closed for the next four years or so I turn to Nabokov, a worthy adversary, but in this case an ally. He believes that before generalisation must come attention to detail.

No, not really. He is bitter to the end. He is claiming that a judge’s decision to force a couple of PiS-sympathetic journalists to appear in court in a libel case is evidence that the new rulers of Poland are in cahoots with the judiciary to do down PiS. I know, I know it doesn’t make sense. Meanwhile the soon-to-be-ex-minister for defence appears to believe that bad news from Iraq should be censored: he took Gazeta Wyborcza to task for reporting the death of a Polish soldier there before the man’s family had been informed. The newspaper did not release the man’s name, in case you were wondering. They merely reported what had happened. The same soon-to-be-ex-minister for defence is putting it about that the soon-to-be-future-minister for defence, Radosław Sikorski, is a traitor. Kaczyński claims Sikorski is anti-American - apparently because he had the cheek to actually try to negotiate favourable terms about the missile defence system that America - sorry, Poland, wants to build here. Remember: it was Kaczyński that made Sikorski minister for defence in the not too distant past.

And among Ziobro’s last acts was the appointment of his secret police henchman to a nice feathered nest in the state prosecution service.

The people of Poland woke up this morning slightly dazed, slightly confused, by the million-strong army of industrious party activists who were busily engaged in removing and ecologically disposing of the election campaign posters that had appeared over the last six weeks of intense but cheerful campaigning.

Battered but proud, ex-prime minister Jarosław Kaczyński spoke to the reporters assembled at PiS headquarters as he struggled into his high-visibility overalls: “We didn’t make it but the important thing is - as a tough opposition party - to clean up this mess which the democratic process necessarily entails. I congratulate Donald Tusk and look forward to meeting him today on the [main Warsaw road] Trasa Łazienka as we take down our pictures.” He quipped: “Donaldek will be working up the right hand side of the street while I will be on the left.” His brother, Lech Kaczyński, president of Poland, will not be joining in the clean-up effort as the constitution forbids the president from interfereing in the democcratic process of elections.

There was jubiliation in the PO HQ. Donald Tusk, heavy-duty wire-snippers in hand, was carried shoulder high to the first lamp post on the left as you walk out of the building and triumphantly cut loose a large paste-board image of himself. To a chanting, clapping crowd he turned and said: “So that life will be better. For Everyone.” Taking their cue from the probable next-prime minister of Poland, some two hundred activists, young and old, flooded down the street, tearing tatty cardboard and paper election posters from the crash barriers on the central median. This was no time for narrow party-political interests. PiS, LiD and PSL posters were also removed by the enthusiastic volunteers as a team of professional outdoor advertising specialists took down a giant poster of losers Zyta Gilowska, Zbigniew Ziobro, Zbigniew Religa and Jarosław Kaczyński from an enormous billboard, replacing them with a picture of a bag of crisps.

Ziobro himself, although his right arm is in a cast, was on hand. “The injured hand didn’t prevent me from posing for the cameras as I cast my vote,” he said. “So why would it prevent me from doing this civic duty either?”

The signs are unmistakeable. All over the land it is evident that Polish politicians have shaken off the complexes and shackles of yesteryear. The East is awake! The last time I saw election posters here almost every single photograph of the candidate had the very top of his or her head cropped by the photographer. And now look around! By a miracle, their head tops have been restored. Presumably the PR agency that advised every single politician last time out in the country has been taken off the case.

In other political news, there was a televised debate between the prime minister, Kaczyński, and the leader of LiD (Lewica i Demokracja), Kwaśniewski. The politicians were unremarkable but some of the questions, put to them by journalists, were of interest. A Joanna Wrześniewska-Zygier started things off by moaning about the red tape involved in setting up a business. “When will we see an end to this socialism?” she asked of Kwaśniak. 18 years after Poles overthrew communism, public figures are still blaming the faults of modern Poland on the old regime. Wrześniewska-Zygier herself, in her interminably long question, compared the current situation unfavourably with that existing in communist Poland. So the red tape - by her own admission - is a feature of modern, capitalist Poland. And yet she gets to call it “socialism” unchallenged. Later on, Krzysztof Skowroński asked the two debaters what the difference was between the third and the fourth Polish Republics. In case there is any confusion here, allow me to explain: there is no such thing as a fourth Polish Republic. Post 1989 Poland is the third Republic and there has been no break in continuity since 1989. This “fourth republic” is a rhetorical device used by the current regime. Why must journalists so unquestioningly accept the terms of discourse set out for them by their rulers?

I mentioned before how the names change but the faces remain in Polish politics. Here is the concrete example of Jacek Kurski, sometimes known as the “Bull Terrier” though “Liar” would be both less complimentary and more truthful. Mr. Kurski, deeply principled politican that he is, in his infinite care for the people of Poland, was in the early 90s associated with Porozumienie Centrum, the Kaczyńskis’ old party. Then he got in with something called the Ruch Odrodzenie Polski (Movement to Rebuild — oh what difference does it make?). Then he joined the Christian Union (former PM Marcinkiewicz’s old party, unless I miss my guess) before joining the now defunct AWS, Akcja Wyborcza Solidarności, which once ruled this country! They lost so he joined PiS but left for LPR (Giertych’s bunch of nutcases) before going back to the winners: PiS again. (Details courtesy of the current Nie but you can also check out this website Znani Polacy.) Neither Nie nor Znani Polacy has any information on what the people he pretends to represent make of all this.

Characteristic of the political brutality here is the headline in the latest Newsweek over a picture of PO leader Donald Tusk: “Porażka w wyborach oznacza koniec platformy”
“Losing these elections means the end of PO”
Note: not the end of ineffectual leader and perennial loser, Donald Tusk, but the end of an entire political party, and I suspect Newsweek is right.

Another party that requires neutralising is the Partia Kobiet, the Women’s Party. Primesident Kaczyński is seeing to that: he has poached the wife of former PO politician Jan Rokita to act as his adviser in women’s affairs - an area in which he has shown little interest up until now - except when the woman in question was Barbara Blida.

Yesterday I had a perfectly average day — the details of which I will not bother you with — nicely rounded off with a refreshing ten hours kip. Is this “dignity under pressure”? Am I keeping my head while others all around are losing theirs?

I ask because the signs in Polish are particularly — no, I mean particularly — grim right now. Michnik writes in today’s Gazeta Wyborcza of a “creeping coup” and, reason though he has to dislike the ruling party, he does not sound in the least hysterical. Briefly, Janusz Kaczmarek was arrested. Until August 8th Kaczmarek was the Minister for the Interior and Administration. Before that, he was the “national attorney” (a peculiarity of Poland’s constitution is that the state attorney is also the Minister for Justice - that’s being your own boss).

Kaczmarek has started telling tales about the politicisation and abuse of the secret services, the procurator’s office and the police under the current regime. He has been charged with attempting to obstruct the investigation into the leaking of operational details concerning an unsuccessful attempt by the Central Anti-Corruption Bureau (CBA) to entrap Andrzej Lepper (former coalition partner).

Another person who had to be shut up was one Konrad Kornatowski, a former police chief, who - entirely coincidentally - had been due to testify before a parliamentary commission into all the skulduggery and shenanigans of the regime. So he was arrested. So was Jaromir Netzel, boss of PZU, one of the biggest insurers in Europe. They’re also out to get businessman Ryszard Krauze but he is fortunate enough to be abroad - possibly in a democracy, I can’t confirm that yet - at the moment.

Meanwhile Primesident Kaczyński appears on television and pretends not to be aware of the details of these perfectly routine police investigations. Ziobro, the boy wonder Minister for Justice, seems to be keeping a low profile, perhaps because he has hopelessly compromised himself time and time again.

On the plus side, the bus timetables in the provincial town where I am holidaying at the moment no longer define summer as lasting till the end of January.

Friday’s Gazeta Wyborcza carried a story under the above headline (more or less) on its front page. In it Bartosz Węglarczyk calculated how much time Kaczyński would have to talk to Bush on the latter’s visit here. The answer: 40 minutes, and since an interpreter would be needed that should be halved.

Consecutive interpreting Węglarczyk can conceive of - but not, dear Lord, simultaneous.