Three Monkeys Online - the free current affairs & arts magazine

The Gogarty wave has hit Poland. Naturally it has been shorn of almost all context, leaving Poland with an image of Irish politicians as pugnacious, uncivilised and immature. But it’s much worse than that. Gogarty apologised for saying to his honourable friend “fuck you” one second after saying the words. Later that day he said “I apologise profusely.” You cannot say you apologise profusely. You can only do it (profuseness - profusion: the property of being extremely abundant). Amazingly, what got Gogarty’s goat was accusations of insincerity! Every so-called apology he has made has been followed by a disclaimer along the lines of “but that’s the kind of straight-talking guy I am” or “but you provoked me.” Gogarty had the gall to say that the budget cuts which he and his party, along with the other coalition member, Fianna Fail, are making, were not his fault. Not only does he not understand English; he does not understand democracy. His party (called “the greens”) has been in power since mid-2007 – over a year before the economy collapsed and the banks were bailed out at the expense of the people he claims to represent in parliament. He makes Polish politicians look good.

At first I put it down to my intoxicated state as I looked at the ad on the TV screen over the bar. Also, the sound was turned off. But I saw the ad again in a friend’s house and it really does go like this: a well-dressed man gets into a taxi where he is regaled by the taxi driver’s pearls of wisdom, ending with something like “you should invest in people.” The man leaves the taxi and walks into a board meeting. It turns out he’s Banker, a Master of the Universe. And what does he tell his fellow Masters of the Universe? You should invest in people. In what country would a bank proudly trumpet the fact that its executives rely on fourth hand clichés overheard from the lips of taxi drivers? In what land would your postman offer you financial advice? What country has never heard the cautionary tale about accepting stock market tips from shoe shine boys? Poland, of course.

While the barman was ejecting some difficult guests last night someone switched channels on the TV above the bar to a news show. The sound was on. They were talking about Afghanistan. It seems that Barack Obama gave prime minister Donald a bell and Don immediately agreed to send another hundred thousand or half a million Polish soldiers out east. The burning question was: was Donald’s haste in agreeing to send in more men hasty enough to be deemed “unseemly”? The more fundamental question of whether Poland should be fighting in Afghanistan was raised, it’s true, but the answers revolved – quite openly, none of your false Western hypocrisy here – around: what’s in it for Poland? Apparently, Warsaw is less likely to be bombed by terrorists if Polish soldiers are being bombed in Afghanistan. That seems pretty much to be the answer to the all important question of what’s in it for Poland.

Newspaper editors everywhere are gnashing their teeth to find that two politicians have been put in charge of being called president and minister (or special envoy or whatever) for foreign affairs of the EU. This Herman Van Rompuy and Catherine Ashton – can they even be googled? What’s to cut and paste here? Has either of them started a war? It’s most inconsiderate of whoever makes these decisions to choose two unknowns. Journalists will now have to do some research and write about EU policies – until such time, of course, that they have dug up some dirt on Herman Von Rumpy-pumpy and “Iron” (inevitably) Kate.

The (TV) media in Poland has been getting very exercised about the A1HN1 flu lately. It’s running wild in Ukraine. The government here hasn’t bought enough vaccination shots. Somebody died in Poznań but we’re not exactly sure of what. The human rights ombudsman is threatening to take the government to court if jabs are not provided, action taken etc. etc. Thank God for the fourth estate!

One thing the TV is not so concerned about is the steady flow of profits from ads for snake oil cures for the common cold and the flu. These ads constantly encourage people with flu symptoms to pop another pill and go to work with their fellow citizens – which is exactly what you should not be doing if there is (is there?) an epidemic.

You know you’re getting old when something like this not only fails to move you but leaves you baffled, wondering why on earth anyone would want to subject themselves to it. Today’s Gazeta Wyborcza carries an ad for a night of advertisements in the cinema. That’s right: you go to the cinema and watch ads for a few (six!) hours. And it’s not free either! I can’t help the exclamation marks and italics. Imagine paying to watch six hours of advertisements!

Dublin, Ireland

There were violent scenes at Fitzgibbon Street this morning as members of the public forcibly ejected the gardai who had been staging a sit-in occupation in direct contravention of a High Court injunction directing them to vacate the station by 7 am. When the 45 police officers failed to comply a citizen squad armed with baseball bats and wearing helmets broke down the doors and stormed the building. Tear gas was used to flush out the protesting gardai who resisted bitterly. Two members of the citizen squad were treated for minor injuries. 43 of the protesters were hospitalised. Four are in critical condition.

Organisers reported no difficulty in finding volunteers to throw the recalcitrant police officers out.

Dublin, Ireland

Former gardai staging a sit-in occupation at the force’s Fitzgibbon Street station may risk prison after deciding to defy a High Court order to vacate the building. Mr Justice Michael Peart heard the 45 former police officers had been told by their union that they needed to obey the court order to vacate the premises. However, they decided by a unanimous vote to continue their protest, which began last Friday.

The mainly female gardai are in dispute with the state over redundancy payments. The minister say that he is prepared to talk to the workers if they vacate the premises. The judge gave the gardai until 7pm to comply with the court order but he was told by counsel for their union, John Nolan, that they rejected the legal advice to end their occupation.

When they failed to comply, the judge issued an order for attachment and directed that members of the public arrest any gardai in the police station and bring them before him at 2pm tomorrow. Mr Justice Peart said “every reasonable opportunity” was given to the gardai to comply with the order.

Mr Justice Peart today made the interim order an interlocutory injunction, pending the outcome of the full hearing of the action. He said there was “no question” that the actions of the defendants were unlawful. He was satisfied that the individuals were aware of the terms of the order and the consequences of being in breach of it. Seeking the injunction, Mark Connaughton, SC for the minister, said the defendants had no right to be on the property, were trespassing, and were blatantly in breach of a court order. Counsel said that the state wanted “the matter to be brought to an end.”

The station in Fitzgibbon Street had been due to close at the end of this month but management decided on Friday to close it which led the gardai to stage a sit-in. Earlier today about 15 people staged a rally outside the Fitzgibbon Street station in support of the rozzers. At the protest, Lord Mayor Emer Costello, who knows some of the gardai, said she found the situation heartbreaking for police and their families.

It looks like I took a bullet for the team. That quarter-page ad for a college that guaranteed an MA degree in two years was a cunning Gazeta Wyborcza hoax. They say the interest generated by the ad was enormous, with people from all corners of Poland. I’m not exactly sure what GW thinks this proves. That employers have an obsession with certificates and papers (supposedly a thing of the communist past)? But everyone knew about that. It seems strange that GW, such an outward looking, western-orientated newspaper, needed to enlist the help of half of Poland to find out about the existence of qualification inflation, which has been known about for years in the West. If they can’t read English in there, well any young Pole looking for work could have told them about it. In fact, Gazeta Wyborcza itself carried a story about how Poznań was looking for a public toilet manager with a university education and several years’ experience.

Saturday’s paper prints reader reactions to the big campaign and it is fair to say that this battle the newspaper decisively lost. One student, for example, wonders why she is supposed to feel ashamed or inferior for writing her MA thesis (on Warsaw) in Polish. Enough. No doubt the war on free education will be won with or without the GW’s fifth column.

Gazeta Wyborcza sent in the foreign legion today in a lack lustre affair which could hardly be described as a decisive victory. They found a handful of obliging foreign students to complain about Poland. One said that the backup facilities in Poland were much worse than in Portugal, “doubtless because Poland values education very lowly and funds it accordingly.” No, of course that wasn’t printed. She said “doubtless because in Portugal public universities are fee-paying – 900 euros a year.” The newspaper also committed a tactical blunder by admitting in an accompanying interview that some third level colleges (for example, the one from which the interviewer, Piotr Pacewicz, graduated 30 years or so ago) are alright, having introduced paid night courses a few years ago. (I need hardly point out that Pacewicz got his degree for free. I would add that he got it free from the communists - except that it is now a crime in Poland to praise communism.)