Three Monkeys Online - the free current affairs & arts magazine

The Gogarty wave has hit Poland. Naturally it has been shorn of almost all context, leaving Poland with an image of Irish politicians as pugnacious, uncivilised and immature. But it’s much worse than that. Gogarty apologised for saying to his honourable friend “fuck you” one second after saying the words. Later that day he said “I apologise profusely.” You cannot say you apologise profusely. You can only do it (profuseness - profusion: the property of being extremely abundant). Amazingly, what got Gogarty’s goat was accusations of insincerity! Every so-called apology he has made has been followed by a disclaimer along the lines of “but that’s the kind of straight-talking guy I am” or “but you provoked me.” Gogarty had the gall to say that the budget cuts which he and his party, along with the other coalition member, Fianna Fail, are making, were not his fault. Not only does he not understand English; he does not understand democracy. His party (called “the greens”) has been in power since mid-2007 – over a year before the economy collapsed and the banks were bailed out at the expense of the people he claims to represent in parliament. He makes Polish politicians look good.

At first I put it down to my intoxicated state as I looked at the ad on the TV screen over the bar. Also, the sound was turned off. But I saw the ad again in a friend’s house and it really does go like this: a well-dressed man gets into a taxi where he is regaled by the taxi driver’s pearls of wisdom, ending with something like “you should invest in people.” The man leaves the taxi and walks into a board meeting. It turns out he’s Banker, a Master of the Universe. And what does he tell his fellow Masters of the Universe? You should invest in people. In what country would a bank proudly trumpet the fact that its executives rely on fourth hand clichés overheard from the lips of taxi drivers? In what land would your postman offer you financial advice? What country has never heard the cautionary tale about accepting stock market tips from shoe shine boys? Poland, of course.

While the barman was ejecting some difficult guests last night someone switched channels on the TV above the bar to a news show. The sound was on. They were talking about Afghanistan. It seems that Barack Obama gave prime minister Donald a bell and Don immediately agreed to send another hundred thousand or half a million Polish soldiers out east. The burning question was: was Donald’s haste in agreeing to send in more men hasty enough to be deemed “unseemly”? The more fundamental question of whether Poland should be fighting in Afghanistan was raised, it’s true, but the answers revolved – quite openly, none of your false Western hypocrisy here – around: what’s in it for Poland? Apparently, Warsaw is less likely to be bombed by terrorists if Polish soldiers are being bombed in Afghanistan. That seems pretty much to be the answer to the all important question of what’s in it for Poland.