“Sophisticated, stylish and adult” runs the blurb on this movie’s poster. 'Adult’ could mean one of two things: lots of sex, or subject matter of no interest to the average film-goer (which, judging by Hollywood’s general output seems to consist of inarticulate teens). Well, there’s a lot of sex here, albeit talked about, and it is certainly a verbose film, which I’m afraid is the kindest thing I can say about it.
The film is adapted from a hugely successful West End (and subsequently, Broadway) play written by Patrick Marber – a contemporary of comedian Steve Coogan who co-wrote and appeared in the spoof news series The Day Today, which was one of the funniest comedies of the nineties. You certainly wouldn’t recognise Marber’s writing from this humourless piece.
The plot revolves around Dan (Jude Law) an obituaries writer who falls for American waitress Alice (Nathalie Portman) and shortly after, American photographer Anna (Julia Roberts). After being shunned by said photographer, Dan pretends to be Anna on an internet sex-chat site, attracting the attention of dermatologist Larry (Clive Owen). Through a coincidence (or contrivance) that would make Charles Dickens blush, Larry and Anna end up meeting and get married. But Dan loves Anna and Anna loves Dan and with tedious inevitability, adultery ensues and we just know that nobody’s going to come out of this smiling. I certainly didn’t.
Critics have adored this film and it has been nominated for three Oscars, but I can’t help feeling there’s a certain snobbishness at play here. The fact that this was originally a vehicle for theatre lends it a certain literary quality – scripts for theatre are considered to be ‘literature’, whereas scripts for films are not. The very fact that this was meant for the stage is its downfall. The dialogue is stilted and unnatural – this may work on the stage, but in cinema, where suspension of disbelief is or should be a major part of the experience, this simply doesn’t gel. I can’t believe that these characters are real when nobody really talks like this, and as a consequence I just don’t care about any of this quartet of self-absorbed bed-hoppers.
With regards to the acting plaudits, Portman and Owen have been nominated for Oscars in the supporting category. They equip themselves well given the leaden script. I can’t say that I found Natalie Portman particularly outstanding, though considering her most recent role of Queen Amidala in the new Star Wars trilogy, this performance is certainly an improvement. Only Clive Owen impresses with a believable portrayal of Larry, the sleazy dermatologist. Inevitably, my mind was constantly thinking of how the bookies’ current favourite for James Bond would be perfect in that role. I’m not a fan of Julia Roberts or Jude Law, and there’s nothing here to change my mind.
As for director Mike Nichols, all I can say is that if you want an example of his work that examines the nature of love and/or sex, you’d be better checking out his 1971 film Carnal Knowledge. While the characters in that film aren’t exactly sympathetic, they are at least believable.